As our commitment to excellence, Foo-gle is constantly innovating, and churning out new products and services for our customers.
Foo-gle Search Engine TM:
The Foo-gle search engine is definitely the most powerful search engine in the world! Based on the revolutionary Page Blank TM technology, your web site has a higher ranking when you link to tons of other people, and if no one else links to you. Your web site's ranking also shoots up the more emptier and content free it is (following the design principle of Less is More). This is surely proof of Foo-gle's commitment to wasting your precious and valuable time (we promise to provide you with the most useless and irrelevant search results). Now surely, who is better than us???
Foo-gle BadWords TM, and Foo-gle MadSense TM:
Two of the latest products available now (as of October 2008) are Foo-gle BadWords TM, and Foo-gle MadSense TM. If you are an advertiser, Foo-gle BadWords TM [1] will help you to advertise your products/services to a vast audience in the Internet. Let your advertisement shouting and market scolding begin now with Foo-gle Badwords TM, and see your sales profits soar sky high!!!
If you are a publisher (ie an owner of a website, blog, forum), you can subscribe to the Foo-gle MadSense TM [2] service and earn extra money advertising other peoples products and services. Start hosting Foo-gle MadSense TM advertisements at your web properties now, and we promise that you will soon be insanely rich and madly wealthy.
Foo-gle Anal-ytics TM:
Wondering about the popularity of your web site? Or, the effectiveness of your newly launched Internet portal?? Have no fear, Foo-gle Anal-ytics TM is here! All you have to do is just sign up for a free account with Foo-gle Anal-ytics TM, and insert some specially provided Foo-vaScript codes into the bottoms of your websites, and Viola! Instant performance monitoring. Foo-gle Anal-ytics - No pain, no gain! [3] [4]
Foo-gle Flogger TM:
Working in a 5-to-9 job with minimum wage slavery and tortured unfairly by your bosses? Being nagged by your spouse for not walking the dog (or throwing the rubbish)?? Been illegally abducted from your native country, imprisoned unconstitutionally, and beaten up inhumanely at Guantanamo Bay USA or Abu Ghraib Iraq, or terrorized by the Internal Security Acts of certain countries??? Or even worse, being bullied and defeated by a 10-year old kid in a death match game of Unreal Tournament 2008??? Now you can write about all your sorrowful (and painful) experiences at Foo-gle Flogger TM. Foo-gle Flogger TM - Flogging Made Simple!
Foo-gle Poo-casa TM:
Rejoice all you sheet lovers out there!! Foo-gle Poo-casa TM is the answer to all your prayers. With Foo-gle Poo-casa TM (soon to be launched on 1 November 2008), poo aficionados will finally have a solution to their problems. Soon, you will have a place to store (and show) to the world photos of your favorite toilet bowls, rubbish bins, landfills, sewage processing sites, and waste-related assets. Additionally, photos of your favorite pets doing their routine business can now be proudly shown to everyone for eternity! Foo-gle Poo-casa TM - have a smile, with your pile!!! [5]
Foo-gle Fool-Tube TM:
Looking for a place to view foolish antics of people? Well, you've come to the right place at Foo-gle Fool-Tube TM. Millions and millions of Fools have uploaded their foolish videos (and continue to do so) into Foo-gle Fool-Tube TM, making it the biggest idiotic moving-action repository in the world. (Warning: Do not enter into Fool-Tube if you have an IQ above -5. Consequences of doing so are at your own risk!!!) [6]
Footnotes:
[1] Foo-gle BadWords TM is a clean and decent advertisement service, we do not condone nor support illegal or unethical means of advertisement. We do not support the advertisement of unethical or illegal products neither. Please report any violations of Vulgarities to our Help Desk.
[2] Foo-gle MadSense TM is a Pay-Per-Kick (PPC) service. As a publisher, you get paid when visitors to your website kicks the Foo-gle advertisements using the cat button. It must be a genuine kick from the users though, otherwise it will be considered kick fraud.
[3] Foo-gle Anal-ytics TM has the added feature of being able to monitor real-life physical objects too (in addition to monitoring website performance). Just paste and stuff some Foo-vaScript codes on the (lower portions of) real life items and you'll be able to keep track of them 24/7. Comes in handy when you want to know whether there's food left inside your fridge, or if dinner is ready, or if your kids have done their homework, etc, etc, etc.
[4] Foo-gle Anal-ytics TM is integrated with Foo-gle BadWords TM. This feature allows you to determine the most popular bad (key)words Internet searchers have used to reach your website, enabling you to further optimize your website for more effective scolding.
[5] Foo-gle Poo-casa TM has been optimally designed to work best with Google TiSP TM, giving you the best download performance and pile flushing capabilities.
[6] Foo-gle Fool-Tube TM has been dubbed the online equivalent of television's America's Fool-niest Videos by Slime Magazine.
